Kindred spirits, uplifting conversation, what I have been searching for, I felt home.
I remember it like a vivid dream. A time in my life, a place in my heart that needed a little more independence, a little more faith, maybe a little more love. I left academia with a degree that lacked true passion; yet on my journey through it, most notably my travels to India I found something more. It took me about two years to accept it, but this passion, this life force was just waiting for me to uncover it: yoga. As an advertiser and social media consultant, I prided myself on using social responsibility as a tool to gain entry into markets, to stand out. I was missing the true point of responsibility. I desperately needed to share my inner wisdom with others, and each time I left a yoga class at various studios, I was given a taste, a glance, even just a peek of pure harmony, an intense love of everything in life.
I hesitated to tell loved ones of my intention of aspiring to be a yoga practitioner. I’m not sure why. I suppose looking back it was just not my time. I was waiting for the Universe, for God to open my eyes to see the place where I really needed to be. Something higher pulled me to Gaia Flow—the friendly faces, the love based practice, the vibration of the music, the remembrance of my travels that I could feel in the hot air. Whatever it was, I was home.
The very first day of teacher training, I was partnered up with Mary. I didn’t know what to expect. To be honest, I thought everyone was going to be seasoned yogis with years and years of experience. We sat cross-legged facing each other, were told to look into our partners’ eyes and really see them. I could not do that. I saw her eyes. I think I even muttered, “Wow, you have beautiful blue eyes,” yet I didn’t see much past that. It felt nice, yet uncomfortable where I wanted to smile and turn away all at the same time. But, as I held contact and composure, my mind was racing with what she may be thinking. In the ninth week of teacher training, we revisited this exercise. As we sat in a circle, connected as one, we found everyone’s eyes at least one time and that time, I didn’t even have to try to see them. I just saw. I saw Katie’s heart, Ben’s strength, Nic’s wisdom, and everyone’s trueness until I came back to Mary. Without words, without expression, I saw her kindness, her willingness to lend a hand all in a glance, a connection. It was so powerful, many of us cried. As I think about our group, sitting in that studio connected, tears freely flow from my eyes now. It is my highest intention to make those connections with my students, to see them in their good days when everything is beautiful and in those days where it takes everything just to roll out of bed. Wherever they arrive that day, just to see them for their beauty. In the hustle and bustle of life, elements of existence get in the way. Jobs, stress, career, even family restrict our notion of happiness, or meaning. We get lost in judgments, take ownership of certain ideals just to please, but through it all, we are all the same.
My best friend, Amelia is one of the strongest women I know. When I decided to start teacher training and really immerse myself in everything yoga, she said to me, you have such a calming presence, I know this is what you need to be doing. And it’s not about being “zen” being “calm” all the time. It’s about using that energy I was given and helping somebody. I never knew I had it, but now I seem to share it with so many people, with strangers, with loved ones. And it’s constantly evolving. My friction with India subsided after my mom said to me, “Don’t be so rigid.” So I started using that as my mantra for some time now. To not being so rigid. To know my own ways yet to get uncomfortably comfortable as we have learned throughout teacher training. When I listen, when I truly listen to myself, I grow in those times of uncertainty, I grow in the mundane, in the day to day where I am forced to lie outside of my comfort zone, because outside of my comfort zone is where I am able to really feel, to react, to be emotional. Even though I was right where I needed to be, you’d better believe that first day of teacher training was so novel, so different than anything I had ever done, I was uncomfortable. And as I left that first weekend, I was ecstatic. Each weekend to come would hold its own set of challenges, laughs, and independence until the day came when I was to teach my first class.I walked into the studio on November 3, having the support of so many behind me. The support based on the notion that I was happy doing this, doing what I loved, doing what made me feel most alive in this world. I think that was what kept me so calm during the day. As I put on the headset, began to hear myself breathe and speak, I could only hope that I would do my best and reach someone, as all those yogis before me had moved me in some way—to push to yield to be.
This Breath Yoga 